Title: Chaos In Romance,
Sexuality and Fidelity
Author: Raksha Bharadia
Publisher: Rupa
Price: Rs. 295
Pages: 218
The first things that grab your
attention besides the title are the funny illustrations on the cover page as
well as inside. They set the tone of the book. The book is written in a
lighthearted and fluent manner but the contents are highly interesting and
enlightening.
The book is non-fiction which
has successfully analyzed the human ideas of romance, sexuality and fidelity
and the innate chaos as the title suggests. I for one find it difficult to plow
through non-fiction but this one was an easy read. The author uses lucid
language and several examples and anecdotes to elucidate her points. The
language is used cleverly and correctly.
The ideas in the book are
worth exploration. She was able to make me think beyond the black & white
aspects of romance and specially infidelity. She has a worldwide view but
focuses on the Indian society and successfully interrelates both.
One feature of the book is the
thorough research and utilization of expert opinions in bringing home the point
that the author is trying to make and that is "We are like that
only." We as human beings are not meant for long term monogamous
relationships. Mind you she does not advocate infidelity or multiple affairs
but only offers a deeper, more human understanding of the ideas. She encourages
us by emphasizing again and again that we need to be more tolerant as society
and individuals of a certain deviation in relationships.
I for one believe that she is
right when she talks about how relationships and especially marriage has
changed due to the various steps of evolution and how it has come to stand now
in the age of social media and new age. She delves on the so called thrill in a
new and/or illicit relationship, the boredom phenomenon and the routine inertia
in our which pushes us to seek another. "All you need is Love leaves
you plan less and powerless to deal with all the inevitable problems of living
together."
She has touched upon changes in
family structures, the gender equation and the need to bring changes to make it
more balanced and also how more freedom has changed the relationship status. “Our
Modern urbanized lifestyle, our compact living spaces, our tight schedules, our
modern enchant for individualization has perhaps led to the disintegration of
these familial and communal bonds."
After reading this I have
developed a more forgiving and hopefully more evolved view of the so called
chaotic situations as well as the inherent nature of our relationships and how
we should be less judgmental of the same, be it in our own lives or those of
the others. Also it has helped realized the finer nuances of my own
relationship with my spouse and put to rest many self-doubts I had.
The editing could have been
tighter. Also the author has touched upon and researched only the modern big
city milieu, leaving the rural and small town aspect untouched
It is good book to read at any
age and stage of life as it will give you the tools to understand yourself and
your significant other better. It will also help you understand why is there so
much expectation, hope and joy as well as the dashing of these
expectations, hopelessness and sadness in our relationships.
Be warned that it doesn't give
you the solutions to these issues outright, maybe because the premise of the
book itself is that these are not problems to be solved but only to think about
and ponder and maybe just understand and accept.
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