Saturday, February 22, 2020

Book Review : Chaos In Romance, Sexuality and Fidelity



Title: Chaos In Romance, Sexuality and Fidelity
Author: Raksha Bharadia
Publisher: Rupa
Price: Rs. 295
Pages: 218

The first things that grab your attention besides the title are the funny illustrations on the cover page as well as inside. They set the tone of the book. The book is written in a lighthearted and fluent manner but the contents are highly interesting and enlightening. 

The book is non-fiction which has successfully analyzed the human ideas of romance, sexuality and fidelity and the innate chaos as the title suggests. I for one find it difficult to plow through non-fiction but this one was an easy read. The author uses lucid language and several examples and anecdotes to elucidate her points. The language is used cleverly and correctly.

 The ideas in the book are worth exploration. She was able to make me think beyond the black & white aspects of romance and specially infidelity. She has a worldwide view but focuses on the Indian society and successfully interrelates both.

One feature of the book is the thorough research and utilization of expert opinions in bringing home the point that the author is trying to make and that is "We are like that only." We as human beings are not meant for long term monogamous relationships. Mind you she does not advocate infidelity or multiple affairs but only offers a deeper, more human understanding of the ideas. She encourages us by emphasizing again and again that we need to be more tolerant as society and individuals of a certain deviation in relationships. 

I for one believe that she is right when she talks about how relationships and especially marriage has changed due to the various steps of evolution and how it has come to stand now in the age of social media and new age. She delves on the so called thrill in a new and/or illicit relationship, the boredom phenomenon and the routine inertia in our which pushes us to seek another. "All you need is Love leaves you plan less and powerless to deal with all the inevitable problems of living together."

She has touched upon changes in family structures, the gender equation and the need to bring changes to make it more balanced and also how more freedom has changed the relationship status. “Our Modern urbanized lifestyle, our compact living spaces, our tight schedules, our modern enchant for individualization has perhaps led to the disintegration of these familial and communal bonds."

After reading this I have developed a more forgiving and hopefully more evolved view of the so called chaotic situations as well as the inherent nature of our relationships and how we should be less judgmental of the same, be it in our own lives or those of the others. Also it has helped realized the finer nuances of my own relationship with my spouse and put to rest many self-doubts I had. 

The editing could have been tighter. Also the author has touched upon and researched only the modern big city milieu, leaving the rural and small town aspect untouched

It is good book to read at any age and stage of life as it will give you the tools to understand yourself and your significant other better. It will also help you understand why is there so much expectation, hope and joy as well as the dashing of these expectations, hopelessness and sadness in our relationships. 

Be warned that it doesn't give you the solutions to these issues outright, maybe because the premise of the book itself is that these are not problems to be solved but only to think about and ponder and maybe just understand and accept. 



Thursday, September 19, 2019

रहने दो!

तुम रहने दो
हाँ! रहने ही दो
मेरा साथ देना
साथ तैरना तुम्हारे
लिए मुमकिन नहीं
मैं तैरना ही नहीं
उड़ना भी चाहती हूं

मगर तुम्हारे पैरों
में पत्थर बंधे हैं
झूठे शिष्टाचार और
खोखली मान्यताओं के
भारी भरकम पत्थर
जिनकी ज़जींरो को मैं
नहीं खोल पाऊँगी

कोई नहीं खोल पाएगा
सिवाय खुद तुम्हारे
अपना वजूद खोकर
वापिस वो ढूढता है
जिसका वजूद पनपा हो
बरगद के नीचे
कुछ नहीं पनप सकता

तुम रहने दो
बस रहने दो!