Can I live in isolation?
Away from all these people who expect me to be the super woman,wife,daughter and sister. Who want me to there for them when they need me and then cast me aside whenever they feel like it.
There are so many people in the world who are secure in their parents love but not the 'lucky me' because my own father loves his dear son to perfection and so his wife and children are in eternal protection of the scion of the family. Enjoying the comforts and luxuries while both do nothing to earn, why should they deign to work??
I have no right to his wealth since I chose to marry on my own. I am no longer his responsibility. But I am responsible to them. I am called upon only when the services of a chauffeur or a man-Friday is needed. Another occasion for me being called up are family functions where daughters should be present otherwise questions will be asked. Then there is the brother who turns up only when he needs money and these days he doesn't even need that. His wife tops them all with so much respect and love that she gives me and my child when we do turn up at the parents' house (an event that sets her heart on fire) that I rue the day I was born in this house.
The husband needs you only to cook, clean and have the house in order. Sexual satisfaction is a service for me and obligation for him. How can I be such a slut, asking for sex? And I don't earn (all my services in the house being unpaid) so I don't have any rights to raise my voice or objection, forget being asked for an opinion. Taking a cue the mother-in-law behaves as if I don't exist. She talks only to her faithful and loyal son and her affection and services are reserved for her own dear daughter. Both conveniently forget that I chucked up a promising career twice for the family's sake, specifically when his father was diagnosed as terminally ill. For three months I nursed him, visited the hospitals with him, tried to bring him peace of mind and broke my back and a re-surging career in the process while his own wife turned her back and slept when he was moaning in pain.
Now when I have taken up writing- a passion long suppressed- all I do is "sit with the laptop and do facebooking" (if there's such a term??). Meeting friends is taboo because he can't keep any and I then automatically lose the right to have any. Reading books or listening to music is foreign to his being and thus a wasteful indulgence. Culture?-what bird is that??
Wearing good clothes and putting on make-up is an indication that I am probably going to meet up with an ex-boyfriend (The slut that I am). Shopping for branded clothes is like asking for a solitaire...so imagine what would asking for one entail.
Yes I am ranting... because these are complaints you can't take to the police.
The modern urban fathers, brothers and husbands have taken up these means to harass and discriminate against their daughters,sisters and wives. Can anyone tell me how to fight this subtle torture which gnaws at you and you cant even cry out in pain?
All I have realised is that I should have never sacrificed my career. Now I will not give up writing and once I get independent- Ill rent a cottage, pile it with books, clothes, music, films and live there with these inanimate things which won't suck my life out of my being.